‘BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT LIVIN’ IS’
Football Daily can’t help but yearn for the days when footballers weren’t particularly interested in walls. Back in 1978, the players of West Brom went on what was, at the time, a trailblazing end-of-season tour to China. Having taken 90 hours to get there on a combination of planes, trains and automobiles, on one of their free days the Baggies were somewhat reluctantly taken to visit the Great Wall of China, prompting an " target="_blank" class="link"> accompanying BBC documentary crew to ask midfielder John Trewick for his impression of the famous fortification. “When you’ve seen one wall you’ve seen ‘em all, haven’t you?” came the response. And while Trewick insists his deadpan appraisal was made with tongue firmly ensconced in cheek, it is a quote that continues to haunt him.
Whether he was joking or not, Sky Sports viewers will have been pining for somebody with Trewick’s perceived lack of curiosity in bulwarks during the tedious discussions regarding how far Arsenal’s defensive wall was away from the ball when Bruno Fernandes scored with the free-kick that put Manchester United ahead just before half-time in their 1-1 draw at Old Trafford on Sunday. Having clocked in real time that it appeared to be further back than the regulation 10 yards, co-commentator Gary Neville later established it had been forced to retreat almost 44 inches further back than was necessary by Anthony Taylor. Fernandes promptly took advantage of Taylor’s largesse, getting the ball up-and-down over this distant defensive speck of humanity on the horizon and into the enormous gaping chasm into which Arsenal’s goalkeeper, David Raya, had more or less invited him to kick it.
Almost certainly the kind of tourist who, if on a visit to the Great Wall, could be counted on to get out his trundle wheel and check for sure upon being told it measures 13,171 miles in length, Neville quickly got the bit between his teeth. Having established with the help of off-screen staff that Arsenal’s wall had been further back than required, he set about ensuring that almost all of the half-time and much of the full time talk was devoted to the excruciating and tedious minutiae of this fairly minor discrepancy. “When the ball goes over the wall that low and goes into the net that low, you know something is wrong,” he chirped, even if the players and coaching staff from both teams didn’t seem to share his dismay at the latest outrageous injustice visited upon the Gunners by officialdom. Indeed, even the conspiracy theorist contingent among Arsenal’s fanbase didn’t seem that fussed.
“Very good,” smirked Christian Eriksen, in his post-match interview upon being asked what he thought about Fernandes’ strike. “I’m happy that the wall was about 15 yards away.” The United midfielder’s manager was also able to see the funny side, while neither Mikel Arteta nor Declan Rice seemed particularly bothered, despite the best attempts of Sky’s dogged post-match interrogator to goad them into a state of outrage. “It did feel far back,” declared Rice under the pressure of intense interrogation before failing to deliver any sought-after fume. “Even on our free-kick, when Martin [Ødegaard] took it, they felt far back.” And so, one presumes it’s back to the drawing board for our match referee, Taylor, when it comes to pacing out short distances. Although exactly how far back remains to be seen.
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Join Michael Butler from 8pm GMT for hot Premier League minute-by-minute coverage of West Ham 1-2 Newcastle.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Whenever people come in, I say ‘just make sure you don’t touch that one’, because I will never open it. I think I’ll take it with me for life. It’s funny, because a few people pick it up and have a look at it. It’s like an ornament for me. I should get a glass case around it” – Josh Harrop gets his chat on with Will Unwin about scoring at Old Trafford on his solitary Manchester United appearance and why, for almost eight years, his man-of-the-match champagne has never been popped.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
Have you considered creating a feedback form to send to writers of unpublished Football Daily letters? You could check any of following boxes, as appropriate: a) not funny; b) too long; c) offensive; d) not written by Noble Francis; e) links to a webpage we don’t want to link to; f) we received another letter on the same subject that was not in violation of a) through e) above. Asking for a friend” – R Reisman.
Although a weekend piece on Big Website seems to think The Overlap podcast has ‘popular, watchable content’ and yet instantly contradicts itself by saying ‘it has shown Roy Keane’s human side’ – which is surely something no one wants to see – I still maintain the only interesting bits in the three episodes I listened to in the audio version were a hilariously wooden advert for a nutrition drink by Gary Neville and an equally leaden reading of an ad for microwaveable rice by Jamie Carragher. So terrible that they almost bordered on a clever satire of podcasters having to lower themselves to hawking rubbish that they clearly don’t like to the listening public. Almost …” – Noble Francis.
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … R Reisman. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we have them, can be viewed here.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
For the love of pod, it’s the latest Football Weekly.
IN BRUGES
Shades of Graeme Souness were on display on Sunday, when midfielder Ardon Jashari celebrated Club Brugge’s 3-1 derby victory over Cercle by holding aloft a chequerboard flag bearing the black and blue of the winning side as he jogged to the halfway line … before planting it an unsatisfying two metres to the right of the centre spot. Suffice to say, this went down poorly, with Cercle keeper Maxime Delange upping his sprint stats for the day by haring in to boot it clear within 0.8secs of the pole making soil contact, and a predictable bit of handbags breaking out among both teams. Club and Cercle share the Jan Breydel Stadium, named after the instigator of the Bruge Matins, a bloody 1302 massacre where thousands were killed, that led to the Battle of the Golden Spurs, where another 1,800 people are said to have died. Thankfully only a flagpole with a big toe-shaped dent in it appears to be the sole notable wound inflicted following the weekend’s skirmish.
It all came across like a mundane remake of " target="_blank" class="link"> Souey’s incendiary (literally) piercing of the Fenerbahce turf after his Galatasaray side won the 1996 Turkish Cup final at their bitter rivals’ ground. “It wasn’t the cleverest thing I’ve ever done,” the Scot would later smirk, having initially feared his actions would lead to a one-way ticket home from his Turkish adventure … but not so: “I’ve never kissed as many moustachioed men in my life.” Will Jashari attract similar fan-peckings and be brought back to wave one at some celebration or other circa 2052, as Souness was at Gala’s title celebrations two years ago? Time will tell.
ROADS TO WEMBLEY AND HAMPDEN
We remain on board with Manchester United in the Women’s FA Cup after they overcame Championship outfit Sunderland 3-1 to reach the last four, where they’ll next face … Manchester City. “It’s been an incredible run so far and we want to carry that on and get to Wembley,” whooped boss Marc Skinner. As for the men’s Scottish Cup, we bid adieu to plucky Queen’s Park after they were turfed out of the quarter-finals, but say hello to 4-1 victors Aberdeen. They’ll face one of Celtic, Hearts or the winner of Monday’s tie between Livingston and St Johnstone. “It’s good to have it there in the future to look forward to and it’s going be a big game,” roared Dons manager Jimmy Thelin. “Everybody wants to be at Hampden and fight for a final spot and try to win something.”
RECOMMENDED VIEWING
Go to 5min 12sec " target="_blank" class="link"> and watch what might be one of the worst decisions of the season, from Wikielec’s 3-3 draw at home to Legia Warsaw II in the Polish III Liga. Trailing 3-2, the hosts broke clear, only for their player to trip himself up outside the box. It still earned his team a penalty – and one rightfully indignant opponent a red card for his imaginary foul – from which they earned a point.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Barcelona will honour the life of team doctor Carles Miñarro Garcia against Benfica on Tuesday after he died suddenly hours before Saturday’s match against Osasuna, which was subsequently postponed.
Nottingham Forest have been told where to go with their appeal against a £750,000 fine imposed for that social media abomination post which criticised Premier League official Stuart Attwell. “The [original] commission was entitled and right to give very considerable weight to the need for deterrence and the fact that NFFC had no mitigation,” tooted the FA’s appeal board in its written reasons. “The lack of mitigation was particularly striking. The post has never been taken down … The commission was not impressed by this. Nor are we. The fact is that NFFC has never apologised for the tweet and never accepted that it committed an offence.”
Arsenal’s next sporting director is set to be Andrea Berta.
Liverpool – now 15 points clear on top of the Premier League after coming back to sink Southampton 3-1 – have gone retro and signed a multi-year kit deal with Adidas believed to be worth £60m a season.
Chelsea boss Enzo Maresca is still trying to get fans on side at Stamford Bridge after a less-than-thrilling 1-0 win over Leicester in the Premier League. “It’s our style,” he cooed. “If you think football is just PlayStation and you win easy? No way. Every game is difficult.”
Tottenham Hotspur or Spurs may have dug themselves out of a hole to draw 2-2 with Bournemouth at the world’s greatest lower mid-table arena, but Ange Postecoglou isn’t best pleased. “We added to the chaos,” he understated.
The Championship is getting tasty at the top after Leeds fell to a 1-0 defeat at lowly Portsmouth. “They are able to celebrate today and we have to accept it,” sniffed boss Daniel Farke.
And Huddersfield Town are hunting for a new manager after ushering Michael Duff through the door marked Do One.
STILL WANT MORE?
Ten of your finest Premier League talking points from the weekend’s action, please barkeep. And a top scorers chaser while you’re there.
Another barren Arsenal season and Chelsea’s quest for the quad: it’s review time for the Women’s FA Cup quarter-finals.
Barney Ronay looks at how Manchester United smashed the system (with a clearly defined system) against Arsenal.
It was quite the weekend in the Bundesliga with Bayern, Leverkusen and Dortmund all losing at home. Andy Brassell has more.
Nicky Bandini reports on the harsh lesson Gian Piero Gasperini taught former student Thiago Motta in Atalanta’s gubbing of Juve.
Luke Entwistle has you covered with all things Ligue 1 – including Paulo Fonseca’s nine-month touchline ban.
An important read from Philippe Auclair about Russia’s ongoing involvement in the corridors of power at Uefa.
Thomas Tuchel’s big England puzzle comes down to a key issue, reckons Jonathan Wilson: picking the right players, not the best.
And Jonathan Liew checks in on the year of the wing-back.
MEMORY LANE
A fresh-faced Cesc Fàbregas, then 17, during training before Arsenal’s first Big Cup match of the season against PSV in September 2004. Speaking years later about his time with the Gunners, the Spaniard said: “At 16 I was training with Thierry Henry and [Dennis] Bergkamp, [Robert] Pires and [Patrick] Vieira. I’d played 50 games at 17; at 18, I’d played in a [Big Cup] final; at 21, a European Championship final; two years later, a World Cup final. It accelerated everything. If I’d stayed at Barcelona, I’d have got there slower. It made me a more complete player in every sense. Giving me my debut when I was only 16 years old. When I was 18 they sold Vieira so that they could put me into the side. They told me to my face, they gave me responsibilities. They made me captain when I was 21 … so many things that made me feel very special in that team.”
