Genevieve Fischetti would squeeze as many of her grandchildren into her car as possible to take them for ice cream.
The tradition began decades ago, when she regularly took them to Friendly’s, a family-friendly restaurant and ice cream shop.
The tradition continued last weekend, with many of her 16 grandchildren and their spouses and children traveling from various states to celebrate their grandmother’s 100th birthday.
Fischetti, however, was there only in spirit. Her presence was represented by her grandchildren — through the memories in their minds, the love in their hearts and the ice cream in their bowls.
Fischetti passed away in 1998 at the age of 72 years old. Still, each year, her grandchildren gather to celebrate her birthday at Friendly’s as if she was seated right alongside them enjoying a sundae.
“We all decided to keep her tradition going,” said Trisha Burke, one of Fischetti’s three granddaughters. “This is how we keep her memory alive.”
Resuming grandma's tradition
Genevieve Fischetti with her grandchildren Trisha, John, Brian, Keith and Craig. (Photo courtesy of the Fischetti family)
Memories can fade as time and distance carry the mind further from the people and places that helped create them. Kids grow up, houses are sold, family members move away, loved ones pass on, traditions end.
As life brought several of Fischetti’s grandchildren to various corners of the country, family traditions turned into memories. It wasn’t until 2009, when most had moved back to the area, that old traditions resumed and new memories developed.
“It had been impossible to get us all together for a long time,” said Anthony Fischetti, one of 13 grandsons. “Once everyone started coming back towards New York, that made it a little easier. So, one day I was just like, ‘We should celebrate grandma’s birthday.'”
They have done so every year since -- even during the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020 when the grandchildren and their families gathered on Zoom and ordered takeout from Friendly’s.
Once seated around the table, or tables, they reminisce about their grandma and the integral role she played in each of their lives. They marvel at how she showed no favoritism, but somehow made each grandchild feel as if they were her favorite. They credit her for being the reason the cousins remain as close as they are decades after she passed away.
“It’s a great way to honor her and celebrate her,” said Fischetti’s granddaughter Patti DeGraff. “It’s not that we’re being sad, of course we love her and miss her, but it’s happy memories. She lives on through our stories.”
Quesadillas, David Lee Roth and ‘Love, Grandma’ tattoos
Some of those stories include poking fun at the matriarch of the family.
That has helped keep their grandmother’s distinct voice alive, even in the silliest of ways — like by ordering the foods she used to mispronounce at the restaurant, such as quesadillas.
“We order those every year,” Anthony Fischetti said, “and we pronounce it the same way she did.”
They recall the time she sat next to David Lee Roth on a flight and had a full counversation with the iconic singer without knowing who he was until they landed, angering her grandson who adored Van Halen.
They wonder how she’d feel about many of the cousins having tattooed her handwritten “Love, Grandma” signature on their bodies, since she hated tattoos.
But mostly, they bring cherished memories back to life.
“She was really a special kind of person, and not just to say that because she was our grandma,” Burke said. “She just really had a profound effect on people.”
The glue of the family
Genevieve Fischetti with her first-born son Tommy. (Photo courtesy of the Fischetti family)
Fischetti raised eight children – four boys and four girls – on her own. Despite financial struggles, she put herself through school and supported her family by working in the clerical department at Nassau County Medical Center. She lived for her children, and later her grandchildren.
Because of that dedication, and the close bond she established within the family, her 21 great-grandchildren know her well despite having never met her. They’ve been introduced through the stories their parents share during holidays, while on vacation together and at each posthumous birthday celebration.
“She brought all the cousins together,” DeGraff said. “It’s so nice that our kids are also very close now, and if it wasn’t for her, we wouldn’t have that.”
Their grandmother’s 100th birthday celebration drew the annual event’s biggest crowd yet. The day began with a mass at her old church on Long Island. It ended with her grandchildren at Friendly’s just like the old days. This time, though, they required a table for 35 people.
“To know my grandma, she was like the glue,” Anthony Fischetti said. “She would be very happy that we still do this for her and that as many of us as possible are together. And that we’re still at Friendly’s.”
The places visited throughout childhood, just like loved ones who have departed, often exist only in memory during adulthood. While Friendly’s still has a strong presence on Long Island, many of the locations Fischetti brought her grandchildren to have shuttered, raising concerns about preserving her tradition of squeezing into the car to go get ice cream.
“I don’t see us stopping,” Burke said. “So, I think we’re going to travel around Long Island until the last one is still up. And then if we have to, we’ll get ice cream from the store and celebrate at someone’s house. We’ll keep it going, and hopefully our kids keep it going, and maybe it will be a tradition that lives on and on.”
Just like their grandmother’s memory.
